On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
