Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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