rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
