I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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