How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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