two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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