just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
