honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My liver just broke up with me...
I can tuck mytits in my pants
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
