Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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