shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
