I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we canβt have nice things
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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