1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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