found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
