So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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