I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
