i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
