Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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