If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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