god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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