In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
should my penis look like a turkey
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
