So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
