too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
