I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
