I smell stomach acid.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
