Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
