I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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