tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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