I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We had sex on a dog bed..
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
