I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
