Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
