one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Pooping to opera.
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