DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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