I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
