I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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