I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
