If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
