i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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