Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
