Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
