the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
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