Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
