Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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