I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
