whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
