He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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