I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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