she looked like the before picture.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
