they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
And my parents said I crawled through the house
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
