The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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