ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
