just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
