I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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