How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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