I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
